and yes something nigh impossible did happen. lost to rj (will reserve comment on the judging, perhaps kai would like to do it) and guess what. TIED with meridian. unbelievable. and next thing: book prize comes in OCTOBER. smack in the a levels, ie we don't have the time to go out and splurge it all. assuming there's enough to splurge in the first place. assuming it's not popular vouchers, because popular has nothing worth splurging on. oh wells.

other than that i feel strangely detached. i don't think i ever committed a lot for any one competition, so i never really felt immensely euphoric or immensely disappointed when i won or lost. more like a s *shrug* and get on with life kind of thing.

perhaps it's just reflective of a wider sort of unwillingness to commit to any endeavour. never give my heart / soul whatever to anything. in that way i avoid becoming mired in the mud, or sinking with the ship. but at the same time i don't really get passionate about most things. perhaps that's a barrier to doing really well at anything.

is passion optional? is ability sufficient?

i'm always uneasy with strong words. strong statements of intent. "love" is a strong word, "passion" is a strong word, "hate" is a strong word (when meant seriously, of course). uneasy with extremes of feeling. must always always moderate.

does that make one less of a person?