Thank you Melissa so much for accompanying me to the humanities staffroom! The place which for me has always been the earlobes of terror wristbones of nervousness jaws of death.
The tutors were back to scintillating form. Here's a short summary.
1.Melissa and I meet up at NTUC where we bought beer for the tutors. I had taken a radioactive medicine for my bone scan later and was warned to not go near pregnant women or children, as I was emitting isotopes. "Are you pregnant?" I ask Mel. Mel refuses to accept my good intentions.
2. Miles is coming out of the staffroom just as we are entering.On espying the six-pack beer, he generously offers to lead us back in and host us for a while. He also offers to safeguard the sixpack by hiding it in his drawer, but, following Mel's protestations, reluctantly concedes that the fridge is perhaps equally secure.
3. The Scotsman is in the staffroom too, at the computer. He is very quiet and looks very kind. I think his name is Bryan.
4. At the sofas, Miles talks freely about Perry and Spank the Monkey, and assures us that he had finally returned Perry his Enduring Love. For those who remember, the Robotic Monkey Head we saw last time is now in Miles' house cause it's spoilt. Melissa remarks on the similarity between Perry having Spank the monkey, and Miles possessing a Monkey head. Miles quickly explains that Mr. Perry received Spank the Monkey due to his (meaningful pause) reputation, whereas Miles is just storing the Monkey head at his abode awaiting repairs. To reinforce his argument, Miles gives an emphatic demonstration of exactly how it's spoilt, jerkily moving his head and making sharp "Kkrkrkk krrKK" sounds.
5. Miles asks about Mel's boyfriend. "What's his name?" Mel answers, "Charles Rupert Surrecks". "Surrecks!?" Miles hoarsely shouts. "That's not an English name! That's a guy pretending he's English by sticking a lot of English first names in front."
6. Enters Perry. Melissa casually mentions Spank the Monkey. Perry hotly points out that Miles is sleeping with a Monkey (Head). Miles agitatedly explains that he's not sleeping with the monkey, he's sleeping besides the monkey. Perry and Mel and I shake our heads quietly. That's just playing with words. Miles hastily shifts the conversation to MSN Messenger, about how he doesn't understand Mel's "Cookies and milk" references. Miles asks Perry if he MSNs. Perry haughtily replies, "It's for kids," to which Miles rightly answers, "Says the guy with a stuffed toy on his table."
7. Burge makes a cameo. He enters and leaves the staffroom in a hurry. Perhaps this skit is on a budget and can only afford 3 major characters- Perry, Miles and, later, Barnard.
8. "How's Beijing?" Perry enquires. "It's good, you should pop by sometimes, Mr. Perry," Melissa answers smoothly. "Pop by?" Perry sputters, amused at the choice of words for a city thousands of miles away. "I guess I do have a spare hour or two in the afternoon." That suave master of one-liners.
9. "And the boyfriend? What's his name?" it's Perry's turn to ask. Miles cut in. "His name is Peter John Charles Albert Christopher Simon Michael Surrecks," Miles declares. Perry is taken aback. "SURRECKS? Is that English?" Miles is joyous at finding a soulmate in his life at last. "That's exactly what I told her!" He exlaims happily. "He's an alien," declares Perry. Miles nods emphatically.
10. A period of casual and friendly conversation about other things. Perry has to go for lunch. Miles is going along. "So your boyfriend is in China to learn about your earthly ways?" Perry asks at the last minute. The rest of us are confused. Perry reminds us of the "alien" theory earlier on. Melissa and I go, "oh." Miles is very amused about the flat attempt at a running gag. Exeunt Miles and Perry to canteen.
11. Barnard appears, weary from class. "How's the new students?" We ask. Barnard launches into a litany on how he would talk about class divisions in Singapore, and the boys will get agitated while the girls fall asleep. Especially the "Nang Yang girls." It is the same, year after year.
12. Perry enters at the same time as Barnard complains how the girls seem to hate economics. "They love literature," Perry sneerily counters. Barnard has an explanation for this. "The students seem to think Economics is fat and violent, while Literature is small and cuddly," Barnard wonders aloud. He pushes the point further. "With a cute ass," he adds.
13. I ask Barnard about my UCAS application. He asks me to write my name down. "You're the sort whose name I can't remember even when you're around," He says directly. "Or pronounce," I add helpfully.
14. I ask Barnard if he still reads students' blogs. He denies it. In fact, during our year he only read 2-3 blogs, including Melissa's. He had found Melissa's blog, then had clicked on the convenient links. (So whoever was linked to Mel's blog at that time, hah!) Barnard mentions that he stopped reading blogs after he found a blog of our classmate's which was so Christian, he got completely turned off, and stopped reading blogs forever.
15. "What's her name again?" Barnard asks idly. "She's a student who hates me." "Nobody hates you," Mel and I assure him. "She's a very pretty girl who danced with Eng Siang at the Istana." I think about pretty PSC girls with extremely religious blogs. "Zhi Hong?" I pose. "Yes! Jee Hong," He repeats, albeit inaccurately.
16. So, Zhi Hong! All this while Barnard's opinion of you is this pretty girl who hates him. And you made him stop reading blogs forever.
17. Barnard talks about his youngest girl dressed up as Hawk Girl at Chinatown earning big bucks taking photos with children. And Crazy Horse willing to pay even more for her, but Barnard will not have her "showing her naked titties" to anybody. Then he laments how this particular daughter keeps saying "You wouldn't understand," to him all the time about everything. Aww.
18. Mel complains that I never asked Barnard whether he is pregnant. Barnard is amused. I guess he is physically the surer candidate. Mel is resigned. "I suppose he's more sure of your virtues," Mel sighs. Now there's a girl who was never interested in science, much less biology.
There's a lot more but this is already too much don't you think.
---
There's one thing that is definitely true in this world. Croc shoes suck.
---
The tutors were back to scintillating form. Here's a short summary.
1.Melissa and I meet up at NTUC where we bought beer for the tutors. I had taken a radioactive medicine for my bone scan later and was warned to not go near pregnant women or children, as I was emitting isotopes. "Are you pregnant?" I ask Mel. Mel refuses to accept my good intentions.
2. Miles is coming out of the staffroom just as we are entering.
3. The Scotsman is in the staffroom too, at the computer. He is very quiet and looks very kind. I think his name is Bryan.
4. At the sofas, Miles talks freely about Perry and Spank the Monkey, and assures us that he had finally returned Perry his Enduring Love. For those who remember, the Robotic Monkey Head we saw last time is now in Miles' house cause it's spoilt. Melissa remarks on the similarity between Perry having Spank the monkey, and Miles possessing a Monkey head. Miles quickly explains that Mr. Perry received Spank the Monkey due to his (meaningful pause) reputation, whereas Miles is just storing the Monkey head at his abode awaiting repairs. To reinforce his argument, Miles gives an emphatic demonstration of exactly how it's spoilt, jerkily moving his head and making sharp "Kkrkrkk krrKK" sounds.
5. Miles asks about Mel's boyfriend. "What's his name?" Mel answers, "Charles Rupert Surrecks". "Surrecks!?" Miles hoarsely shouts. "That's not an English name! That's a guy pretending he's English by sticking a lot of English first names in front."
6. Enters Perry. Melissa casually mentions Spank the Monkey. Perry hotly points out that Miles is sleeping with a Monkey (Head). Miles agitatedly explains that he's not sleeping with the monkey, he's sleeping besides the monkey. Perry and Mel and I shake our heads quietly. That's just playing with words. Miles hastily shifts the conversation to MSN Messenger, about how he doesn't understand Mel's "Cookies and milk" references. Miles asks Perry if he MSNs. Perry haughtily replies, "It's for kids," to which Miles rightly answers, "Says the guy with a stuffed toy on his table."
7. Burge makes a cameo. He enters and leaves the staffroom in a hurry. Perhaps this skit is on a budget and can only afford 3 major characters- Perry, Miles and, later, Barnard.
8. "How's Beijing?" Perry enquires. "It's good, you should pop by sometimes, Mr. Perry," Melissa answers smoothly. "Pop by?" Perry sputters, amused at the choice of words for a city thousands of miles away. "I guess I do have a spare hour or two in the afternoon." That suave master of one-liners.
9. "And the boyfriend? What's his name?" it's Perry's turn to ask. Miles cut in. "His name is Peter John Charles Albert Christopher Simon Michael Surrecks," Miles declares. Perry is taken aback. "SURRECKS? Is that English?" Miles is joyous at finding a soulmate in his life at last. "That's exactly what I told her!" He exlaims happily. "He's an alien," declares Perry. Miles nods emphatically.
10. A period of casual and friendly conversation about other things. Perry has to go for lunch. Miles is going along. "So your boyfriend is in China to learn about your earthly ways?" Perry asks at the last minute. The rest of us are confused. Perry reminds us of the "alien" theory earlier on. Melissa and I go, "oh." Miles is very amused about the flat attempt at a running gag. Exeunt Miles and Perry to canteen.
11. Barnard appears, weary from class. "How's the new students?" We ask. Barnard launches into a litany on how he would talk about class divisions in Singapore, and the boys will get agitated while the girls fall asleep. Especially the "Nang Yang girls." It is the same, year after year.
12. Perry enters at the same time as Barnard complains how the girls seem to hate economics. "They love literature," Perry sneerily counters. Barnard has an explanation for this. "The students seem to think Economics is fat and violent, while Literature is small and cuddly," Barnard wonders aloud. He pushes the point further. "With a cute ass," he adds.
13. I ask Barnard about my UCAS application. He asks me to write my name down. "You're the sort whose name I can't remember even when you're around," He says directly. "Or pronounce," I add helpfully.
14. I ask Barnard if he still reads students' blogs. He denies it. In fact, during our year he only read 2-3 blogs, including Melissa's. He had found Melissa's blog, then had clicked on the convenient links. (So whoever was linked to Mel's blog at that time, hah!) Barnard mentions that he stopped reading blogs after he found a blog of our classmate's which was so Christian, he got completely turned off, and stopped reading blogs forever.
15. "What's her name again?" Barnard asks idly. "She's a student who hates me." "Nobody hates you," Mel and I assure him. "She's a very pretty girl who danced with Eng Siang at the Istana." I think about pretty PSC girls with extremely religious blogs. "Zhi Hong?" I pose. "Yes! Jee Hong," He repeats, albeit inaccurately.
16. So, Zhi Hong! All this while Barnard's opinion of you is this pretty girl who hates him. And you made him stop reading blogs forever.
17. Barnard talks about his youngest girl dressed up as Hawk Girl at Chinatown earning big bucks taking photos with children. And Crazy Horse willing to pay even more for her, but Barnard will not have her "showing her naked titties" to anybody. Then he laments how this particular daughter keeps saying "You wouldn't understand," to him all the time about everything. Aww.
18. Mel complains that I never asked Barnard whether he is pregnant. Barnard is amused. I guess he is physically the surer candidate. Mel is resigned. "I suppose he's more sure of your virtues," Mel sighs. Now there's a girl who was never interested in science, much less biology.
There's a lot more but this is already too much don't you think.
---
There's one thing that is definitely true in this world. Croc shoes suck.
---
kaipok says:
did you read judith's blog
kaipok says:
that is judith in the middle of a paper on keats
[Psellus] says:
sheesh. lame.
---
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